roll.with.the.punches

Haha!

   I frickin love Wednesdays! Cuz once I’m through with Wednesday, it’s over baby! Here’s what I have to do until Monday… one night class tomorrow, I have to finish up a webpage for my youth director back home, and I have to do a bunch of labs before Monday for my dumb computer class. So actually, I have more stuff to do than an average week, but as long as I’m getting close to done with school, I’m happy, ya know. I’m in a rather good mood today… why I have no idea? I’m not gonna complain though because I’ve been been in a bad mood too much lately… which means, I’ve been spending WAY too much coin on CD’s and such. I haven’t counted how many CD’s I have for a long time, so I decided I’d count. Last time I counted whenever that was, I had around 175 so I figured I probably had a little over 200 or something. Nope, 279! As the late great Chris Farley would say, “HOLY SHNIKIES!” Part of me thinks that I’m out of control. At the same time, I don’t regret owning very many CD’s that I have and I know someday when I’m old, fat and bald, I’m still gonna have good memories whenever I put my old CD’s in. I mean, hopefully someday my kids make fun of my old CD’s just like I make fun of my dad’s old records. Haha. I dunno, I spend money in excess, but I’m getting good about not spending money that I don’t have (which I used to do with the credit card back in the day – scary!) I have too many CD’s and almost as many DVD’s, I go to too many concerts (according to some… if you ask me, I don’t go to enough!) I basically live cheap as hell with everything else though… I don’t waste money going out to eat everyday and I don’t buy tons and tons and tons of alcohol like a lot of my friends. The way I see it, I’m young, I’m dumb… I might as well spend money. I mean the saying goes “You can’t take your money with you” and since I’ve already been clinically dead, I mean, why should I care. Haha – I know I’m wrong, but that’s my reasoning with my parents. I think I’ve actually kinda convinced myself that sometimes. In all honesty though, I don’t think I have a huge spending problem that a lot of people do. I mean, if I had to save money for something, I could. I mean, if I had a girlfriend or something, I’d save my money so I have so money to spend on her or something. Same with if I had anything else to spend my money on, like I had a house payment or a trip I had to save for or any random thing that a person spends money on.

   Ah well… what does it matter! Anyways, I hung out with my friend Maggy tonight. Maggy is my twice-over ex-girlfriend, but we’re still really good friends. And not really good friends like most people are with their ex’s (which usually is just “friends with benefits”) Nope, I can honestly say with a clear conscience that my friendship with Maggy is based on nothing sexual or relationship-wise… She has a boyfriend and (surprise, surprise) he doesn’t like me. I mean, I don’t blame a person for not liking your girlfriend’s ex’s. Seriously though, I’m not gonna stab someone in the back like that. I don’t overly like him, but I don’t hate him or anything… to tell you the truth, I don’t know him that well… I’m not the kinda person. And I’m not saying I’m the best person or anything, but I guess I respect girls and first of all, I don’t want to get involved with a girl that would do something like that to her boyfriend and secondly, I wouldn’t wanna do that to some guy. That being said, I really have no feelings for Maggy anymore other that she’s a really cool person, she’s one of my friends who’s always been there for me, and I still have a fun time hanging out with her. It’s weird because whereas all of my other friends from high school have seemed to grow different from me or kinda not pay attention to me or whatever, yet Maggy is like one of the few people I’ve always been comfortable around. That is, except back in the day when I was going out with her… I was a nervous wreck back then! Haha… It’s weird, we are way better friends and everything like that now than we were back when we went out. We were pretty young back then, so I guess that could’ve been kinda expected. The only thing I worry about is the same thing I worry about with most girls. Towards the end of high school, I started hanging out with mostly girls. Right now, I’d say I probably have more good friends that are girls than guys. Anyways, over the next couple years when they all start getting married off, it’s gonna be weird. Cuz it’s not like you can call a married chick and be like “Hey, wanna hang out?” And I don’t care who it is I get married to, she’s not going to ever want to like go out to supper with “My ex-girlfriend and her husband” or something like that. I mean, I can’t imagine not having some of my friends who are girls (not girlfriends) being at least a small part of my life. I don’t know, that’s not anything I’ve had to cross yet, but I kinda sorta have. Ever since my good friend Andrea started going out with her new fella, she’s kinda fallen off the planet. I’ve seen her like once or twice since summer and even then, it’s not the same. I think that’s what scares me about everything… things not being the same. I mean, I’m at a point in my life where I’m happy – I like my life and while there are things I’d probably change, I’m content. I just don’t want any drastic changes in my life, ya know. I’ve had a lot of changes in my life in the past few – going to college, meeting new friends, changing colleges, DYING, coming back to life, living in my first apartment, living in my first house… it’s just been crazy. Now, at the end of the year I’m graduating and I have no clue what’s after that. No clue where I’m gonna live… no clue where I’m gonna work… no clue who my friends are gonna be… Christ, with my heart problem, I can never be sure that I’m gonna frickin be alive at the end of the year. But honestly, there is nothing I can do and nothing I can say that’ll change that. I just gotta roll with the punches and take life on step at a time. And with that… I’m out.

Peace and love,

-B-