happy.turkey.day

I had a pretty good one. Gotta love grandma’s cooking!!! Haha! Now, it’s back home and nothing to do. Oh well, tomorrow should be alright. I have to wake up in 8 hours to go get a cholesterol test… yuck! It’s amazing the kinda dumb stuff they make you go through if you have a heart problem. GRRR!!! Anyways, after that we’re heading up to Fargo and I think the ‘rents are gonna get a big screen tv (FINALLY!!!) So hopefully, I’m gonna have some of the peeps from high school over and maybe watch some movies and sit in the hot tub or something. They’ll probably be all “(Insert random hick’s name here) is throwing a party like 15 miles out of town!” Gee, doesn’t that sound like a blast. I dunno, I’m not big on the high school “reunion” parties. Too akward. I just wanna hang out with my good friends and chill or whatever. I don’t really care I guess… it’ll be nice seeing most of them. Except the ones that are all “Why haven’t you written/emailed/called/visited?” Umm… my bad, but I don’t see a whole lot of them either, so what can ya say? What’s with the people so desperately not falling out of touch? As if that’s the worst thing that can happen. I mean, I try to talk to my good friends and stay a little up to date, but it’s usually just a random person that you didn’t even hang out with in high school. And OMG… try being like THE talk of the grade for a whole summer “Did you hear Brent Hanson had a cardiac arrest?” Every time I talk to anyone about anything, they always have to throw in the mandatory “How’s the heart?” Um, I’m talking to you right now. Seems to be working just fine, thank you. I think I’m gonna start lying… say something like “Yeah, doctor says I have six months to live… a year tops.” I love starting dumb rumors like that. My mom gets so mad when I joke around like that, but oh well. Here’s another one I think I may use… “Well, we’re waiting for a heart on the transplant list. I guess my blood type is pretty rare though so it’s looking like I may never live to see 22 after all.” That’s so cold… yup, I think the next person that asks me that is getting one of those lines. Seriously though, if I know a person has some past problem, I like totally have to be like really good friends with them to ask that kinda question. I mean, I’ve had really good friends who’s parents have died and stuff like that, and I’ve never asked anything about any of that. I mean, I hate hearing bad news anyways. I’d much rather just pretend something didn’t happen or just kinda ignore it… I dunno, it doesn’t bother me when my really good friends ask me or something or someone I know genuinely cares about my wellbeing. But I hate it when the kid I never really even talked to in high school comes up to me “Dude, bummer bout your heart! How the hell is it?” Ahhh… yeah….

   I dunno, I’m overly sensitive about all thing heart-related. It’s weird cuz I actually do like talking about it to people I feel comfortable with. I have one friend, Jenn, who is totally afraid of death. It’s funny, cuz I’ll just randomly start talking about it or something, and she’ll be all nervous. It’s so funny. Finally, one day this summer I was like “You don’t like to hear about my brush with the other side” and she was like “Nope.” It’s weird cuz the people I’m most comfortable talking to it about usually don’t wanna hear it. My mom used to (and probably still does!) want me to go to a therapist or a psychologist or some dumb thing. I’m of the belief that my life is no worse now than it was before the incident other than I have an ugly bump and scar on my chest… I frickin’ hate that thing! GRRRR! I sound like a complete and total hypocrite here. I get mad at people who talk to me about my heart but then I get mad (well, not mad, but…) when someone doesn’t want to hear it. Truth is, it sometimes helps just to talk about it, ya know. It’s the same with anything. Back in “ye old high school days”, I used to bottle up everything and then about once a month or so, I’d just explode at my parents. It got brutal sometimes… I’d start throwing things across my room, they’d threaten to sell me to the highest bidder. At least those times are past… now if only I could teach my sister how to stop being a little baby 95% of the time… Oh well, more tales of family fun tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll have a big screen tv to come home to as well!

much luv,

-B-