deadringer

What’s up…

   Guess who’s back? Yeah, that’s right. It’s Friday night and I’m bored as hell. I have spring break this upcoming week, so I decided to come home. I don’t know, but I’m already thinking that this may have been a fatal mistake. There just isn’t a DAMN thing to do in this town! Oh well – I’m happy because I got my “bed” back. For those of you who don’t actually know me (so that be almost everyone who reads this – does anyone read this, by the way?), you’d know that I slept on the floor my freshman and sophomore year. I actually slept on a feather bed-type thingie, but almost everyone who knew me thought I was crazy. I’ll tell you what’s crazy, sleeping on one of them uncomfortable-as-HELL college plastic beds they give ya. Now, I still don’t even have a bed – just a stupid futon. Actually, it’s kinda-sorta comfortable, but I seriously don’t think anything is as comfortable as sleeping on the floor.

   I’m full-fledge back into hip hop now. I’ve bought eight (8!!!) cd’s this week which sounds like something I would’ve done back in high school. I don’t know how I come up with all the money, but I scrape enough money together that I always seem like I’m never rich, but never broke. Well, even when I am broke, it’s never for more than a couple days. Anyways, I’m listening to a little hip-hop radio right now. Check it out… it’s by a guy named David Ellis – I’ve been reading his hip hop column since I was in high school. Anyways, the link is http://www.hip-hop-reviewz.com/trsradio. He plays midnight to 3 AM Friday nights, which I know would mess with a lot of your “social lives” but since I have no social life so to speak, I’m all about my music.

   Here comes my little rant of the day. People generally think if you’re not out living it up on the weekends, you’re a total square. Well, here’s my rebuttal… I got out quite often and you know what, right now, at this random point of my life, partying and living it up just isn’t all that fun anymore. Every once in a while, it’s alright, but for the most part, I’m actually liking living in my little whole. All I really do all day is listen to music, read books, and watch movies… school isn’t too taxing this semester. But ya know what, I’m a hell of a lot happier right now than I’ve been at any point since my heart problem first started, so that’s almost two full years. I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes, you can be around people you like and doing things you like to do and still be completely miserable. I think I’ll always be the kind of person who is very talkative, but at the same time, I’m very to myself. I’ll always be a little bit of a mystery, even to myself. I’m never going to be “Mr. Popular”… never going to be the infamous “life of the party.” I’ve come to realize that, even to my best friends in the world, life will go on without me. I mean, I’m not trying to sound all depressing or anything, but besides my family, I’d say the popular opinion is I’m pretty damn meaningless. And I love it that way. Seriously!!! Whenever I start worrying about what other people think or what comparing myself to people around me, I’m always gonna be unhappy. I mean, right now, I’m just absolutely content with life. Could be better, could be worse, but I think I’m in the best state of mind where I am right now. Somewhere in the middle…

   K – that probably makes no sense to anyone besides me… and even my eyes are spinning a little bit. I dunno, I think I’m just trying to rationalize out why I’m in a good mood right now when it’s seriously seemed like forever since I’ve had such a clear head. Oh well, let’s hope it stays for a long time!!! I’m gonna go watch a movie or something so I’ll talk to ya kids later. Oh, and do yourself a favor and go buy Rjd2’s Deadringer cd… best cd I’ve bought in the last couple years!

much luv,

-B-