and.boom.goes.the.dynamite

The last time I did one of these “timeline” blogs was at the Super Bowl at my buddy A Dot’s house. I had a lot of fun with it, so I decided to do it again since we’re going to pretty much watch the draft nonstop. So, before coming over here, I stopped at Starbucks to grab a couple grande java chip frappucinnos. I also threw on my #21 Tomlinson Chargers jersey as I charged into A Dot’s apartment yelling “Go Chargers.” The rest is recording for your reading pressure.

  1. Alex Smith has a horrible first pick posse. This is a predictable pick. BTW – first shot of Aaron Rogers today who looks exactly like my buddy Chris. He’s not a great buddy because I haven’t talked to him since like September, but he’s a good enough buddy that my friend Aaron had to call him to leave a message on his answering machine letting him know he looks like Aaron Rogers.
  2. Brown… again a predictable pick.
  3. Braylon Edwards looks like a thin Jerome Bettis. You’ve got to love the token “on the cellphone when the name is called” look. I guarantee you if I was going to get drafted, I’d be rocking a Jalen Rose suit while talking on my cell phone in the left hand with the Sidekick in the right. Why not?
  4. Another running back in Benson. Forget the Ricky comparisons. His interview makes him seem about as intelligent as Bo Jackson. If you’ve ever heard Bo Jackson talk, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
  5. Please don’t take Mike Williams. Please don’t take Mike Williams. Please don’t take Mike Williams. YES!
  6. The quote that sums up my feelings is from Aaron’s friend Darin on Yahoo Messenger – “wow…pacman has a posse!” At this point, I’m happy if the Vikes draft (in order) Williams, Rolle, or Johnson.
  7. Ah… are you kidding me? Mike Williams is available and we PASS? This kills me. Williamson isn’t going to be bad, but Mike Williams is going to be the mad. Mark my word. This is a bad pick.
  8. Antrell Rolle might be the best defensive player out of this draft. I’m predicting it. By the way, do you think a guy that gets drafted by the Cardinals thinks “Oh my god… I’m rich, but I’m completely irrelevant!”
  9. At this point, my buddy A Dot says if Mike Williams somehow falls to #18, we’ve gotta take him. I agree and then I mention the scenario which will make me want to hang Mike Tice. Mike Williams is on the board. Paul Tagliabue comes up to the mic and says “…with the 18th pick, the Vikings select. Mark Clayton.”
  10. It’s been an hour and 20 minutes and our pizza is still not here. How busy can a pizza place be at 1:00 PM in the afternoon, honestly? Detroit decides that they are absolutely not giving Joey Harrington the “I don’t have a good receiver” excuse…
  11. Pizza’s here. Ah, I’ve missed Pizza Patrol since my two years I’ve been out of college. While a lot of people who are two years out of college miss the college life – hanging with friends, finally living on your own for the first time, the parties, the atmosphere… whatever. Not me – I just miss Pizza Patrol.
  12. The only pick that makes sense here is Aaron Rogers. Why you ask? The Chargers are one of the, if not the single most, inept team in the league. They’ve already got 2 QB’s they are paying over 10 million/per. It makes absolutely no sense for the Chargers to pick a QB which is exactly why I’m guessing they’ll surprise the world and pick another QB with the excuse that “he’s the best available player left on our board.”
  13. I love how all of these players have a laundry list of stregths, weaknesses and everything else. I figured I’d give you the scouting report on Brent Hanson as an office worker coming out of college.

    Brent Hanson – 5’11-7/8″, 160 lbs. (BTW – what is up with these 7/8’s of an inch? Do these pro’s realize how little of a different 1/8th of an inch really makes?)

    Strengths – Excellent at making funny, yet work-appropriate small talk. Endurance isn’t an issue. Whenever a co-worker starts a question “…you know that one movie,” he seems to always know exactly which movie they were talking about… unless of course it starred Renee Zellwegger or Richard Gere. Very versatile – can install a printer, get rid of popups, or format a computer with the best of ’em. Excellent phone quickness – usually answers before the second ring.

    Weaknesses – Missed an exorbitant amount of school the second semester of his senior year of high school – may be cause for concern. Heart “problem” is going to cost our health insurance approximately $100,000 every 4-6 years. Occassionally will got three, four, and even five full days without shaving. Only owns one tie, two pairs of dress pants and two collared shirts, so proper business dress may be an issue. Has stuggled waking up before the crack of noon for about the past 10 years.

  14. Three full hours and I’m still not sick of Berman. Honestly – what are the odds? Second question – how long can this last?
  15. Aaron Rogers is closely approaching “Rashard Lewis” green room status. I’m waiting for him to just break down. I love the “Aaron Rogers reaction cam” after every pick. My favorite part of watching a draft is seeing the guy who’s agent told him he’s definitely going top 10 just absolutely slide. In the back of his mind, Rogers just has to be thinking ‘Hmm… I’m going to have to talk to my real estate agent. Maybe smaller is better.’
  16. The question has to be asked – is Mel Kiper wearing a piece? I know it’s always been his trademark, but I see a distinct line and two distinct colors. Someone tell me I’m crazy.
  17. Quote of the day thus far from my buddy A Dot – “If Aaron Rogers gets picked in the second round, will they give him a jersey with the number two on it?”
  18. Forget drafting the best available player – the Vikings need to draft the best personality available. In this past offseason, we’ve lost Hovan, who had some epic battles in the media with Brett Farve, and Moss who is the most quotable athlete in a while. Over the past few months, I’ve added the “Straight Cash Homey” sound clip into my running playlist on my mp3 player. Anytime it comes on, I chuckle. BTW – with our two first round picks so far, I’ve correctly identified Williamson and Jones as the two players I really hope we don’t draft. Here’s to hoping I’m a tool when it comes to predicting a draft. I did get excited back in the day when the Vikings drafted Gino Toretta in the sixth round. I also got excited when the Timberwolves got Loren Woods in the second round. Needless to say, I’ve been wrong before.
  19. I’ve never actually sat down to watch a full NFL draft, but my friend A Dot just trumped me. And I quote… “Last Saturday, I was so bored I actually watched the WNBA draft. I wanted to see where McCarville went and I wanted to see who the Lynx picked.” By the way – I was bored last Saturday as well. This makes me glad I don’t have tv. I may have gotten sucked into something like a WNBA draft, as well. And if you believe that I’m telling the truth about that…
  20. This has absolutely nothing to do with the draft, but the Vikes don’t pick for a while, so I need to kill some time. Someone actually invented and intends on selling a scrolling belt buckle. Tell me this isn’t the greatest/worst idea of all-time. It’s great because there is no way you could wear this thing and not get attention. If you could think of something clever to write on your belt buckle, people in general would instantly think you were funny/clever/original (whatever). At the same time, it’s the kind of thing that a guy like me would absolutely make fun of for an hour. Say me and a buddy were going out to a bar or something – I’d be harassing him for like 2-3 hours and telling him that everyone is probably going to make fun of him.
  21. Still no Aaron Rogers. This is quickly turning into clah-sic draft television. Depending on how much longer this goes, this might trump seeing Jeff George with the horrible mustache and straight 80’s mullet getting marched out with the number one pick… followed shortly by Mel Kiper absolutely ripping Indianapolis a new one for selecting him. I must mention that about six weeks ago I said Matt Jones would sneak into the first round. I take full credit for creating all the Matt Jones hype. Your welcome.
  22. Chep’s boy Clayton finally goes. Meh… I’m just glad the Vikings didn’t wind up with him.
  23. Fabian Washington is soon to be the next fast Raider who’s really not all that great… I called it first!
  24. My buddy A Dot and I are talking about how great it would be if Campbell went before Rogers. There is a chance it could happen. It would definitely instantly turn “Aaron Rogers in the green room” into my favorite draft moment of all-time. But alas, my tv-watching luck has run out. I love his expression, though. You’d think his grandmother died or something. He’s trying to put on his happy face, but you know his agent has to be in his ear saying “Oh my god… we just lost about $30 million from your first contract alone. Have fun in Green Bay, though.”
  25. At this point, I could care less about the NFL draft. The Vikes don’t pick for twenty-some picks. I’ll probably hang around for the rest of the first round, though, before I head out for a run. To be honest, I have two highlights remaining over the next six plus rounds – 1) the Vikings drafting a kicker (Nugent) so that for the first time since Fuad Reviez, I can cheer for a Vikings kicker and 2) Marion Barber III getting picked so he can inevitably sit behind some better running back hoping that probably hoping the starter gets hurt.
  26. Why is Sugar Shane Mosley “resurging?” Although he used to be my absolute favorite boxer, he’s gotten destroyed the last couple times in the ring. Someone tell me this – besides the Rocky movies, when in the history of the world has a boxer had five straight bad boxing matches to bounce back and become a champion? It just doesn’t happen…
  27. My buddy A Dot says “Hey dude, here’s your movie” referring to the trailer for XXX: State of the Union. I am on the record saying that there is no possible way this is a good movie. Ice Cube has been in exactly two great movies – Friday and Boys N The Hood. You can argue that Barbershop wasn’t bad, as well. Seriously, though, this is going to be a trainwreck. As much as I hate Vin Diesel, at least I can admit that he fits in a mindless action movie. Good thing he decided to do The Pacifier instead of this. I can imagine his agent telling him “…yeah, this movie looks like a cross between Mr. Nanny and Daddy Day Care. No way this movie doesn’t suck. We’ve gotta take this deal!” Speaking of XXX, as I was looking on imdb and read this about the making of XXX: “Stunt player Harry O’Connor was killed when he hit a pillar of the Palacky Bridge in Prague, para-sailing during one of the actions scenes. The accident occured while filming the second take of the stunt; O’Connor’s first attempt was completed without incident and can be seen in the completed film.” I don’t mean to make life of his death, but can you honestly imagine sacrificing your life for a movie like XXX. You know he’s sitting up there in heaven saying “…man, I laid my life on the line and this is all the better of a movie they can make?”
  28. Dear God… we actually have to change the channel to watch “my Chargers” make their first round pick. The first round is just ridiculously bloated. For the record, I again tossed on my Tomlinson jersey for this pick. Number 44, baby!
  29. For me, the highlight of this pick was Indianapolis not using their whole fifteen minutes.
  30. See comments regarding pick 29.
  31. A Dot asked me whether this blog or my Super Bowl one would be longer. I decided to take a look and found this comment that I wrote:
    “5:30 – A sequel to XXX with no Vin Diesel? Brilliant idea! Besides Friday and Boyz N The Hood, has Ice Cube ever been in a good movie? No seriously…” Hmm… aren’t I feeling original today?

  32. Just once I want to hear a coach go “meh… that wasn’t the guy we wanted, but he’ll have to do.” This would absolutely make my day if a coach said this. The other comment I’d love to hear on day 2 is a professional coach saying “…to tell you the honest truth, I don’t even have a clue who this guy is.”

Rest of the day thoughts – I’m not going to comment on every pick – in fact, I haven’t done that for about 15 picks now anyways.

  • If I didn’t know any better, I’d think my buddy A Dot was pushing drugs. His cellphone rings every 10-15 minutes. The good news is he got rid of that stupid Nick Cannon/R. Kelly song as his ringtone which he’s had for about two years. The bad news is he replaced it with “I Just Wanna Live” by Good Charlotte. I used to be a diehard GC fan, but that song sounds like a reject from the last Justin Timberlake album.
  • Mid 2nd round we made a trip to Best Buy where I picked up the newest Atticus compilation album. While I was looking at DVD’s, some random worker came up to me with the typical “Can I help you find anything?” This question has always bugged me. First of all, I’m not looking around as if I’m possibly trying to find anyone to help me. The movie are categorized by Action, Drama, Comedy or Horror in alphabetical order. I think I can handle finding a movie on my own.
  • I take back what I said about my buddy A Dot getting a cooler ringtone. His girlfriend gave him a call and the stupid Nick Cannon song starts playing.
  • After the Vikes picked in the third round, A Dot and myself headed to Old Chicago so I could carboload. I’ve got a 17-miler scheduled tomorrow, so for the first time this year I’m actually going to try to eat right the night before. While there, we probably gave the impression that we were two dudes on a date. Waiter comes… Brent orders a tall Guiness followed by A Dot who orders a tall Guiness. Waiter comes back… Brent orders the chicken parmesan. If you guessed that A Dot next ordered the chicken parmesan, you would be correct. After the bill comes, I offer to buy because I’m a working fool while A Dot is still in college. Well, at least for another 8 days until he graduates.
  • While at Old Chicago, one of my friends (who shall remain nameless due to possible job security issues) absolutely flipped out that the Broncos drafted Maurice Clarett. I was watching a playoff basketball game and we were having a normal conversation when I hear a “What the…” followed by a not so nice word. I look over my shoulder to the left to see Maurice Clarett’s mug on the screen and I could help but immediately start laughing.
  • After Old Chicago, we came back and watched a flick. A few buddies wanted us to go to a bar, but I’m not huge on the bar scene anymore. Plus, getting blitzed doesn’t exactly sound like a bright idea when you’ve got a 17-mile run on the schedule.
  • We did stop at Happy Harry’s, though. Ever since I saw the movie Sideways last week, I’ve wanted to try Pinot Noir. To tell you the truth, I don’t know that I’ve ever had wine outside of communion. I wonder how many people saw that movie and have never had Pinot Noir, so they ran down to the store and picked up a bottle. I know there is just no possible way that I’m the first person to do this.
  • This is completely unrelated to anything, but why won’t the kids just give that freaking rabbit some Trix? Would it kill them? For the past 23 of my life, all I’ve heard is “No silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.” Well, I’m not a kid anymore. I should boycott Trix until they give the stupid rabbit his Trix.

That’s it for tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll catch highlights of the draft. I’ve gotta do a 17-mile run at some point. Plus, since I’m still up in Fargo, of course I’m gonna stop at Starbucks and get another grande java chip frappucino.

If you’re out on your bike tonight, do wear white,
-B-